WTF! Members Only??!
No gloss could hide its stench.
In my recent quest to find the latest ‘it’ thing in fashion… BWAHAHAHAHA! Yeah right! … I came across this article from the September issue of Preview magazine. Apparently there’s a bar or, shall we say, a VIP Members Only bar inside the controversial Embassy in Taguig. WTF! As if Embassy wasn’t enough. The title of Radioactive Sago Project’s 2007 album quickly came to mind. But then again the criminal mind in me took over and said, “Ohohoy! The cream of the crop of all the shallow, pompous, conceited, self-centered, pretentious party-goers of the city all cramped in one room? Think of the possibilities!”
Normally though, I would avoid this place like an overturned Malabanan truck spilling its freshly sucked septic tank contents all over the place. The only difference is I might vomit once I enter Members Only. (Seriously, can’t they think of a better name for their place? We’re open for suggestions). However, I came up with ten circumstances that might compel me to go into the vain lair.
Assuming that I do get access into this private bar, I, Mr. A, would enter Members Only if:
10. Because of hard times, I have to resort to drug dealing and I want a captured market.
9. I become a CORRUPT police narcotics agent. There’s no point in busting rich and powerful drug addicts in this country. They’ll just bribe themselves out of it.
8. The Gay Aussie blogger who was once a part of this group and now hates them suddenly hires me to assassinate the Gucci Gang.
7. I have a chance to meet and hypnotize Willie Revillame, Cristy Fermin, Boy Abunda and Lolit Solis into killing one another.
6. There’s a magic genie in the place that will grant me all my wishes in my previous article plus 10 more wishes.
5. A brilliant mad scientist has a cure for asthma and he’s willing to give it to me and the meeting place is this bar.
4. All of the members of this club and their friends will donate P 1 million each to my chosen advocacy. I will then use the money and make it a point to bring Mayor Alfredo Lim to Taguig.
3. U2 will hold a private concert and personally invites me and 20 guests of my choice. Also invited in the intimate concert are Charlize Theron, Maria Sharapova, Ana Ivanovic, Kate Beckinsale, Conan O’Brien, Jon Stewart, The cast of Heroes, Gilbert Arenas, The Boston Celtics, Barack Obama, the Pope, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Did I forget to mention that The Cure will front act?
2. Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers and The Cast of High School Musical will have a one-night only show in this place. Yes, that’s how much I love my daughter.
And the Number 1 reason that might compel me to enter Members Only bar ……
1. My wife asks me to.
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September 19th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I suppose this provides the legitimate venue to hold “coca-nights” as “acoustic nights”, “chillout nights”, “videoke nights” …etc…are getting too damn old. Salute to whoever thought of this concept bar. Although I suggest changing the name to something as superficial as Gucci Gang…uhmm….dang! I can’t think of anything more pretentious that.
And before I forget…Mr. A… how dare you compare “Members Only” to an over turned septic tank. That’s so harsh. Malabanan is a pioneer service concept that has been around for decades and has significantly helped millions of households get rid of their wastes unlike the other that breeds them.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:30 pm
My apologies to Malabanan Septic Tank cleaners and all its affiliates. There is shit and there is bad shit. I hope the users in Members Only snort the latter.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:51 am
You forgot one reason. To watch a comedy of all the vain people trying to prove who is the vainest (is that a word?)
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Hey Dan, if “vainest” still isn’t a word, we might as well coin it to exclusively denote these oh-so privileged members of, um, Members Only. And while at it, will someone get a club rebaptizer already?! Yes it’s skanky, but its patrons deserve skankier.